To whom it may concern:

We're sorry to inform you that for the time being some crucial shit is broken. It will be operational again the exact moment we fix it.

Contrary to popular belief, bitching at us won't make it get fixed any faster, nor will describing in detail how this inconvenience effects you. If anything, this only delays us. This goes for both email communication and stopping us in the hall on our way to get more coffee.

In short, we're aware, we're working on it.

Sincerely,
Tech Support